The Big Fella

Taking a Break

2006-02-08T12:30:00.000Z

I am taking a break from this blog for a while, I start my Bsc in Substance use and Misuse next month and a lot of my spare time will be focused on reading and working towards that.

I have started another blog http://drugs-worker.blogspot.com/ which I will be adding to regularly, I am spending less time reading Theological books and more time reading books related to my work, so I guess this is the season I am to embrace for the time being, and if I feel prompted to return I shall. For now, if anyone is interested in my ramblings on my work feel free to drop in and comment.

Motives?

2005-11-02T10:52:00.000Z

Thinking more on my previous post, I want to try and define, albeit subjectively, what essentially is meant by motive, not in an etymological sense, but in a very practical sense.
When I offer my love to another at what point is motive weighed? At its initial offset I may indeed reach out in love, but later as thanks and praise are returned for the gift offered and ego starts to awaken what of my motives then?

I want to get this right, because the world I live in gives me many wrong motives, to look good, to feel good etc, but God asks of me something different. However again browsing over the pages of scripture I am left with a feeling some ambiguity over what God actually means by ‘pure motive’ or right motive, or any motive that is acceptable to Him, one that is not going to evaporate under the light of His glare.
As usual I feel the vagueness of this is intentional, what He is requiring of me is to seek His direction, to want His insight into what is right motive and what is wrong.

Do I rely on conscience to dictate this? In one moment conscience may whisper to me words of encouragement for the good thing done, but in that very moment I hear the whisper, I feel a feeling, a chemical reaction triggered by the whisper in a moment no longer than a nanosecond I being to hear the shout of guilt over feeling good about something good done. Is it any wonder that I am unable to define what motive is, the whole show is over and done in moments I am incapable of registering in my mind, how do I evaluate this? How do I know when what I do is right motive, and what I do is wrong motive?

The writer of proverbs in 16:2 knew well, ‘All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD’ alas not all my ways seem innocent to me, if they did I would not be here pondering this question, seeking earnestly the answer, I can only conclude that essentially I am unable to define what sort of motive will actually weigh anything on God’s scales, but I am sure of the ones that will not.
Again the mystery of being in a relationship with God comes to the forefront of my mind and I left feeling alone in this, grappling blindly for some answers.

David’s words to his son in 1 Chronicles 28:9 go someway ‘acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.

What dirves me?

2005-10-31T19:09:00.000Z

I think I may have lost my way, my motives polluted by stats, and figures, and targets.
I do the work I do because I feel a passion and a concern for those locked in ways that I was once locked in, and it was this passion and concern that drew me in.
I do not think I have lost the passion, but I think that the passion which drove me has somehow got lost, distorted, confused and pushed aside from its uglier brothers, wrong motives.
This month was my busiest month ever, I did almost triple the work in some areas that I do other months, and its not as if I am slack other months, but it is now as the month closes its curtains that I here reflecting on what was the point of it all.

I was woken up a few months back by this verse in Isaiah 58:10 “and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.”
The challenge that rose within me was, ‘do I spend myself’ I concluded that I spend something, a little, enough, a sufficient amount, so then I went on one, spending myself, but I forgot the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 3:14-14 “If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.”

It reminded me that motive is everything, good actions can be hidden under bad motives, not malicious motives, nor perverse ones, but subtle motives, ones of targets and figures, the work I do is measured by the company I work for, the local government, the NHS and by central government, but these measurements will not be worth much when on the day I stand before God, if I do not stop to check myself under Him and pray as David did in Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”

Four Months!!

2005-10-30T19:16:00.000Z

Wow just looked at my blog site and realised I have not added to it in nearly four months.
Has my life been this chaotic for this long, indeed it has, between the very long and drawn out illness that my wife has been enduring, the fullness of my days as a drugs worker, and my distance from God these last few months I am surprised it has been 4 months.

I now plan in these now looming winter months to have a greater focus on things that are important, I have allowed the frustration and anger to drive a wedge in my relationship with God, which may sound negative and non-productive, but actually it has created a resolve deeper than before, choices I have made in this time have not been wholly healthy, but sometimes the ends justifies the means, i emphasise sometimes, as I am sure most of this was not bang on centre in God's plan, but I feel a peace about what I am at, just not sure the direction my blog is going to take.

Random additions seem pointless, so I will have to think and pray on this more.

Mealtime Habits of the Messiah:Part 1

2005-06-08T17:21:00.000Z

My copy of Conrad Gempf’s new book Mealtime Habits of the Messiah arrived today, thanks again Conrad, and this will be the subject of the next six blog entries.
The book is composed of forty chapters, which are then broken down into six sections, so I will discuss each section. I intend to have the book read in six days, but that may be a tad ambitious.

Introduction: John 21:1-14

I have so often felt a conflicting sense of pride when I have done something good, after I somehow managed to find the strength to give an extra hour for a person in need of my time, gotten home still completed the household stuff and managed to keep a good spirit about it. Then said to myself ‘it was in His strength” or “well done me” as if I had no part in what happened or all the part, no middle ground. In verse 10, after Jesus had been the great amphibian finder for the fishermen, he said to them “Bring some of the fish that you have just caught.” Conrad rightly points out (though blast if I ever noticed it, a gift Conrad has, and shares in his books) that He had given them the fish, though He had called the fish theirs. So it is with me, I have discovered in this profound little breakfast conversation, that at both times in what I do, behind the act of love that I outworked is the God who enables.

I have never thought of it in that way, I mean an obvious truth, I do, He helps me do, but the connectedness of the two. He gives me to do, it is His, but He lets me keep it. Like some spiritual tug of war I say to Him “It’s you Lord”, and He says back “It is you”, the act of humility, and the co-existence of our being in Him grounded in a two way agreement of He who gives so we can give.
The challenge at the end of the first chapter being how often do we pray for the usual, the routine, somehow turned into 'how often are you grateful for the usual and routine'
I also felt challenged as I thought about a phrase Conrad used on page 25 which was in regard to the random popular writings about Jesus from some obscure 2nd century sources about the actual person of Jesus, as they dismissed the validity of the Gospel writings to enjoy this new tabloid like relevation about Jesus, Conrad made the statement “Let the experts argue about nutrition, while we gorge ourselves on what’s tasty” out of context I was reminded of the tasty feeling of achievement, ‘you’re so good at your job’, yet the Nutritious truth/feeling is, 'Thank you God that you have made me good at my job, make me better', this vein of thought will I hope guide me from now on.

A wonderful truth that is both tasty and nutritious.

Thoughts On NKOC 3

2005-05-25T09:51:00.000Z

I am now about half way through The Last Word and The Word after That. To be honest this is the most provocative that McLaren has been, in my opinion. I felt myself initially wrestle with the angle that Brian takes. As usual Neil (Neo) presents a view that is both reasonable and possible with Scriptural reference being taken into account. My own view on Hell has been in the evolving process some time. A few years back I read John Blanchard's literal exposistion of hell intilted What ever happened to Hell? And was convinced that a very literal view of the imagery that Jesus conveyed in the times He referenced Hell was the way to understand it.

However as I approached the middle of McLarens book I was finding that my view point was opening up.

Last night as I read through Chapter 13; End In Embrace, I felt the Literalism of Eternal Punishment over the dividing line of Salvation begin to disintegrate. Somehow the sense that I had made with a Literal view just seemed nonsense, in all honesty these are not new arguments that Brian is offering, but a fresh description of views that have been around since the Desert Fathers.
I feel uneasy where I am, my Evangelical position and Reformed roots have never really had the chance to bed in, I have only been a Christian for six years, and three of them I have been reading a lot of Emergent based books, which have provoked a lot of thought and change over my view point of alot of Christian doctrine.

I have had many times of unease during this process, but then something beautiful is emerging from that, something fully inclusive, and not just lip service to a whole embracive concept.
Also fear, a real awareness of the responsibility and reality of standing before God in judgement, this fear though aside from any other fears I have felt is healthy.
I think that within Christianity there is an unhealthy security, the dividing line of Salvation, where through confession only one is safe has bred a disdain for others and a security for ourselves that we can ill afford.
Yes to be secure in God is healthy and necessary, but to have a very real awareness of Judgement, side by side with those whom we did not see confess with their mouths is essential.

The quote below is from The Last Word and the Word after That, Chapter 13 page 78, Dan and Neil are deep in conversation, Dan is wrestling with the very obvious arguments that a literal view of Jesus’ words presents, I pick it up with a question from Dan;

“What about the places where Jesus talks about being thrown outside into the darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth?”
Neil nodded. “He also speaks of being thrown into Gehenna, which was a garbage dump. In fact, one of the main words translated hell in the New Testament is that word Gehenna. Does that mean people will very literally be deposited in that trash dump outside Jerusalem? And he talks about a place where worms don’t die—a place of perpetual decay, I guess you’d say. Do you believe in literal eternal worms? Why be literal in one place and not in another? Besides, all these images can’t be taken literally as the same time—I mean, you can’t have literal fire and darkness, right?
So don’t they all suggest waste, decay, regret, and sorrow? Isn’t that what anyone would feel if he spent his whole life on accumulating possessions or wealth of knowledge or power but missed out on life! H would have failed to become the glorious person he could have become and instead become something crabby and cramped and ingrown and dark and shabby and selfish. Wouldn’t that make you weep and gnash you teeth? Isn’t garbage dump the perfect imagery to use for that kind of waste? It sounds to me like hell is one image Jesus uses among many others.”

Food indeed for much thought. if you haven’t bought this book yet, I suggest you do, it is a very important contribution to a subject that is both forgotten and misunderstood.

Star Wars Episode III

2005-05-22T07:44:00.000Z

Ok, so still shaken by the sheer size of this film I will try to give my thoughts and feelings on it. Lucas has done a superb job, to call this film awesome is not enough, spectacular, fantastic, incredible, astonishing, remarkable, extraordinary all are words that seem somehow not able to convey just how flipping fantastic it is.

From the opening, to the closing scenes, it travels along at light speed. The effects are absolutely out of this world, literally I need to go back and watch it again, there is so much in it that I know I missed alot.

The downfall of Anakin Skywalker from passionate Jedi to Darth Vader was told in the most intricate way. The subtleties of seduction over to the dark side are told, by Lucas in very graphic and precise terms.

This film is the Grand Canyon of Star Wars, it connects the films together superbly, and still now the morning after I feel the effects of the experience.

If you're not a Star Wars fan then shame on you, if you are and haven’t seen it yet, then go, go now, it has to be seen on the big screen, and in my opinion at least a few times.

I am Fully blown away by it, Lucas you're a genius.

Loving Others

2005-05-18T17:55:00.000Z

My prayer life (I need to find a more suitable phrase for that, sounds archaic) of late has waned, especially the amount of time I spend praying for others.
Aware of this and unable to dodge the reality of it any longer, I arrived home the other day with the fullness of my negation and procrastination over this pressing in on my firmly.
So I wandered over to my book shelves to remind myself of the books in prayer I have. Richard Foster’s excellent book Prayer caught my eye so I removed it from the shelf.
Opening it I noticed how I had not finished it (a fault I have) the striking thing was I had stopped before the next chapter in Intercessory Prayer. My mind raced back to when I last read it, a year, maybe more ago and I realised that for most of the last few years I have probably spent very little time in prayer for other people. I felt sad, and sick. So I turned to chapter on Intercessory prayer, ready and prepared to be challenged in the very profound and gentle way that Richard does.
The opening short paragraph leapt off the page and plunged like a dagger into my conscience, it awoke in me a very tired and dormant part of my spiritual life, and I am very grateful for it. I will close with the paragraph that has stirred me again to be active in this very important area of loving others.

"If we truly love people, we will desire for them far more than it is within our power to give them, and this will lead is to prayer. Intersession is a way of loving other."

Influence Two

2005-05-16T17:20:00.000Z

A while back I made mention to people who have influenced me along my way. Today I want to make mention to Philip Yancey. Philip I am sure you are all aware of is a great thinker and writer on the central issues around faith, God and Life. His books have helped and enabled me to formulate answers to my own questions of faith.

The questions that arise in pain, after our fourth miscarriage his book Where is God when it hurts was the life raft that helped keep my faith from drowning. As I wrestled with God and my own lack of understanding over pain, a point at which many turn away having only the answer that comes out of their own pain and anger. I managed to step out of that with Philip's help and was left with a more mature and complete picture of God.

Philip taught me about the fullness of God's grace in What’s so Amazing about Grace? Post baptism and during the middle months of and eleven month rehab I learnt about the intricacies of grace, the responsibility of grace and the beauty of grace.

His book Soul Survivor taught me that I can learn from others who do not 'fit' into the pigeon hole that I restrictively held people to. That amongst this world there are people who step beyond their own humanity to something more meaningful and beyond themselves.
I am grateful to Philip; my faith today is what it is because of his books.

Cracked Eikons

2005-05-03T14:17:00.000Z

Today whilst being engulfed by the haziness of jet lag, and feeling like a speed addict after a 5 day binge (a feeling I am sure none of you are aware of) I was reading through a few blogs I have missed whilst on holiday and I was brought back again to the humbling and inspiring truth that forms the foundations of this world.
We are created in the Image of God, (Genesis 1:26) it astounds me when I pause at this and pains me when I/we miss it. It is a basic yet wholly fundamental truth for a person to really connect with. At times I can ponder it all day, others I forget it for weeks, the Latin term Imagio Dei is beautiful, and as of today no other language or term had better summed it up, for me. However I am neither one for well versed poetry or fine language, and I have found a term which sums it up with the precise terminology to which it deserves.

A few weeks back on Scott Mcknight’s blog Jesus Creed he was reviewing a chapter of D A Carsons book Becoming Conversant with the Emerging Church, and he made mention to his own epistemology, which he states is "Cracked Eikons" Eikon is a Greek word and literally translated means Image though Scott would say this is "too colourless" Scott writes that we are “Made as "eikons," designed to reflect God's glory to all around us, we choose to sin and are hence "cracked eikons." At another post he writes “the Fall impacts our mind; we are in need of God’s grace so we can be enlightened; this enlightenment ennobles us and enables us to “know God” in truth. So, for me, a fundamental feature of a Christian epistemology involves gracious enlightenment and not simply rational comprehension.”

I love that, I love what it says. To just rationally comprehend the depth of something so fantastic, so incredable seems so learned , like an effort on our part, when the sheer reality of it is that as we move and live and share with God, and each other we start to recieve 'Gracious enlighenment'
The idea of gracious enlightenment is something I am looking forward to hearing explored in his forthcoming book A weekend Called Grace.

The Challenge of Satire

2005-04-26T01:06:00.000Z

Found this web site a few years back, but then forgot about it. Re-visited it yesterday and was surprised at how much truth there is in the satire.

The Holy Bible: Revised Fundamentalist Version Is a Catholic web site that has taken certain verses in the Bible and translated them into what they see Fundamentalists as actually believing.
The comparisons are shocking, have a look, you may be surprised at just how you read certain verses.

Aussie Adidas

2005-04-24T05:30:00.000Z

Adidas advert in Australia came on other day, felt inspired by it's message, so much so I spotted the T shirt with it on and had to buy it. Here it is;

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in a world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it.
Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a decleration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

What Answer? What Question?

2005-04-19T02:03:00.000Z

Jesus is the answer! That’s what you hear if you turn to any of the Christian channels on sky. But what is the question?
In a world emerging from an era that focused all its energy on finding answers I suppose that it is only right to make claims of grand proportions that Jesus is the answer.
But if the answer to the question was important to an era that sought answers, then is Jesus as the answer important to us now? Or as Conrad Gempf suggests in his fantastic book Jesus asked: is Jesus the question?
Seems to me from the study that Conrad has put into the subject that it is a vastly missed point (from my perspective at least) that Jesus spent most of His time asking questions and avoiding answers. For Jesus the importance of the question was not so much the direct answer, but the answer that lay within the person who asked the question.
So when I am asked the question ‘why are there not dinosaurs in the Bible’ to cite an example as I am sure we have all at some point been asked, is the answer a yes and then a explanation of certain ‘unknown’ creatures within Job, or is the answer no and then a explanation of why not?
Or is a third approach necessary to the questioning of one who seeks something beyond the actual facts.
For me the challenge that Conrad left me with was a challenge that Jesus had meant to leave all along, one where one point of following Him is not just to amass a library of information to defend our position, but one where what we are as a person is about understanding what the intention behind the question is, and that takes alot of empathy, alot of time, alot of care and a closeness to God.

Maybe then Jesus is the question will become Jesus is the answer

Food For Thought

2005-04-07T09:26:00.000Z

Not that I have an unhealthy interest in putting President Bush in the oh so popular Anti-Christ mould, but with regard to their polices within substance misuse and the ridiculous way in which they enforce drug laws I am sceptical of his administration.
Today I discovered this story which talks about the Texas Futile Care Law, basically a law which enables hospitals to give up care in the face of it being futile.
Read the stroy and draw your own conclusions.

An addition.

2005-04-05T16:20:00.000Z

On Sunday whilst communion was being passed at church I felt in that moment that I should not take it, it was a strange feeling. Sadness came over me as I passed the bread and the wine.
Sadness at the realisation that for some time now, I have been thinking reading and writing about Jesus yet not loving Him. This sadness was very profound, beyond the words I am able to formulate to describe it.

Today I came across a quaint poem that sums up the experience.

"I walked a mile with pleasure, she chatted all the way, but left me none the wiser, for all she had to say."
"I walked a mile with sorrow and never a word said she: but oh the things I learned from her, when sorrow walked with me.

New Look

2005-04-05T07:18:00.000Z

In the hope that it might inspire me to write i have changed the look of my site.
Such is the place i am at i have retured to read again the wondeful Philip Yancey book Reaching for the Invisible God
As of yet there is only silence. Even writing about those who have inspired me seemed to lack any inspiration, so i won't yet.
However i am off to Australia for 3 weeks on sunday, with my MP3 player fully loaded with 20g of music and a large stack of books i am sure will exceed the 20kg limit i am prepared for a major break. One that is needed, in the 2 years since we have last had a holiday there has been 2 close family deaths, a dozen hospital visits, job losses, job changes and a house move.

I am hoping that sydney is kind to us as i seek to get back to that place of brutal honesty before God.

Helped Up Unto The Shoulders Of Giants

2005-03-13T18:43:00.000Z

I have been facing my past alot lately, mainly due to my work with chaotic addicts on a day to day basis, this has left me reflecting a lot on the distance I have travelled as a person, from a very selfish chaotic addict through my encountering Jesus for the first time and my accelerated growth as a person and as a Christian.

I feel now that I have grown in maturity, my whole theology is one that is alot more inclusive and a lot less exclusive, such to the point that on some chat sites I get labelled a Liberal. But then I am not to upset at that prospect, I feel a connection with the warmth that I feel toward another at the place they are at, rather than a place I feel there should be at.
This movement is owed to many teachers and authors and friends, some of which I want to mention on my blog so for the next few entries I will talk about these wonderful people, for I feel the sum total of a man is the parts of which he is made, and these people have played a part.

The first person whom had an impact on me was Carl Rogers. Carl was the founder of Person Centred counselling, an approach which much in the vein of Jesus saw the client or person as one whom has a Self Actualising ability (where the leaning is toward one of growth and uncomplicated inner peace) Jesus in the Discourse on the Hill (or the Sermon on the mount, I prefer Dallas Willard’s view of this simple message) knew the tendency in men is one of two things, to think solely of self, but also to lean toward a life where that sense of inner peace or Shalom is the point to which you gravitate, as we all know. This I feel is the message that He at times pressed home.

Carl Rogers grew up in a very fundamental home, and sadly at a point in his life turned away from his commitment to Jesus and ventured out on a life dedicated to the healing of broken people. But it is easy to see in any of his writings that the fabric of his being had been long ago formed by the presence of the Holy Spirit in his heart.
Carl had a gentle approach to proving the space needed for a person to find solutions to life’s problems and his love for people an unconditional love (known as Unconditional Positive Regard) was something that deeply touched me, though Carl and his books and approach I learnt to accept others where they are at, with no agenda, Jesus I believe is fully within this school of thought, whether the Humanists within it admit it or not!

I owe a lot to Carl and his predecessors in the Person Centred School, Brian Thorne etc.
For their Human take on the deeply profound Godlike qualities that Jesus taught us enabled me to embrace the basic secondary fundamental of being a Christian, to love our neighbour as ourselves.

Adams Challenge

2005-02-15T21:43:00.000Z

When I see the church working it brings tears to my eyes. There is something beautiful about the fabric of relationships that connect within the heart beat of God that I have not seen else where. The beauty of human relationships working at their intended best is something more poetic than Wordsworth and more beautiful than a Van Gough.

Tonight I saw a glimpse of that on BBC, the programme When your Face Doesn’t fit followed the life’s of three guys with Neurofibromatosis. One of those guys Adam has serious neurofibromatosis which has caused his face to be visibly disfigured. He has spent his life feeling the isolation of not looking ‘normal’

But he found connection and security and identity at a Baptist Church in London, when that part of the story unfolded it came right out of left field and brought a tear to my eye. Adam said ‘it is the one place I have found acceptance’

Hurray for the Church doing its stuff on primetime TV.

It even showed Adam getting baptised, these are the stories that should be told, and I felt the rebuke for the times I have spoke earnestly about the things we don’t do right, this beautiful man who had the courage to seek found the one thing that I take for granted because I have had it my whole life in abundance, acceptance.
But after seeing that I feel my own disfigurements although not as visible as Adam’s are far more contorted and bent out of shape.

It is easy to look at the things that do not work when we are looking at being church, the church that Jesus loves, the Church that Jesus has hope in to show the attractiveness of humanity at its best, with God in the centre.

Thanks Adam for a challenge that I would never have expected, and for the beauty seen in the courage you have shown your whole life, may God bless you grealty.

Jesus as Teacher

2005-02-09T18:29:00.000Z

When we look at the way Jesus taught and then compare that with they way we teach and are taught there seems to be something vastly different.
I have come to see that this difference is the way in which we view the factors involved in the meaning of our message being communicated.

There are three factors as I see it, the person communicating the message, the person hearing the message and the Holy Spirit

The person who communicates the message thinks primarily about the second factor, to whom he is addressing, and the model past down to us through the many years of church teaching has some major flaws (as I see it) firstly it can at times have very little faith in the ability of the person who hears it to draw the right conclusions. So we have many models which seek to repeat the message communicated many times in differing forms throughout the message in order to accurately convey the real meaning of what is intended. This is fine, and it has its place when we are dealing with aspects of out faith that are not so easily grasped and need that extra attention. But why is it that this seems to be the most common method used to communicate? I think that we have got stuck a little and lost the romance and mystery that Jesus left the hearer to embrace.

Imagine the listeners around Jesus as He told for the first time the parable of the lost son.
Today this story is told in almost clinical terms that convey the meanings of our falleness and God’s holiness and our needs for a mediator. Jesus could have done this, but what He did instead is tell a beautiful story that has many layers and enables the person who is listening to draw their own conclusions. But what if they got it wrong? How easily it would be for them to totally miss the point of the message and miss the important truths that it intends to tell them. Jesus however had a faith in the third factor that we do not have at the same level, Jesus trusted the Holy Spirit to teach and lead those who heard the story to the right place, whether intended or not, this is the beauty of a story or parable, it has many layers and many conclusions, not just the one intended.

In counselling term we talk about a client ‘owning’ their own material, if I was to tell a client he was suffering from rejection then the final result would be vastly different from my enabling them to draw the conclusion for themselves. This is a skill that is learnt, involves a lot of empathy and other factors which make the process smooth and almost unnoticeable. The client then in their own time ‘owns’ the reality as theirs and then are more receptive to change.

I think Jesus knew this, I mean it may be a long shot! But what if Jesus had so much faith in humanity and in the Holy Spirit that His focus on teaching was to provide the space and tools and then leave the conclusions to be drawn by those who listened You only have to see His reactions at the times when His parables are not understood to get an insight into this.

How different would our teaching look if we had more faith in the other two factors and less faith in our own ability to communicate? Maybe, just maybe the poetry and creativity that was so present in Jesus’ ministry would be more present in ours.

Just a Thought.

Do we enjoy our jobs?

2005-02-07T15:38:00.000Z

Today I was posed a challenge as I thought about the relevance of my life and those around me in this world. I was thinking about what makes a job worthwhile, and the common train of thought and motivator that I have discovered people have for choosing a job (this is not exclusive), or choosing to leave is the level of enjoyment one has within it.
The challenge that came to me at this point was;

Does God use our need for enjoyment to keep us in the Job He wants us to do, or do we use our need for enjoyment to keep us from the job God wants us to do?
The challenge got me thinking about my reasons for being where I am at now.
Arrest Referral work is enjoyable, but it is also not so enjoyable, the atmosphere in police and court custody suites is dark and quite oppressive. Usually the guys who I am engaging with do not hold medals in personal hygiene and there is little escape from the smell when you’re sat in a 6x6 with them. This aspect I do not enjoy, but how important is my enjoyment? Well I have come to the conclusion that it is not important at all. We are here to serve, that is our role, humanity needs God’s love, and God’s mercy. Does humanity receive this when our primary focus is the level of enjoyment that we receive from our roles? No it does not, that train of thought is about our needs, we should use the same care and attention we have for our own needs on those of our neighbours.

The post-modern mind set has major elements that are all about comfort and the attention on our subjective needs. The commercial marketing is geared and set toward this, so it is not surprising that it becomes part of who we are-‘As a man think within himself so he is’-but part of being God’s co-workers in this world is about being transformed, having those exact elements redeemed from an unhealthy focus on our needs, to a balanced focus on the needs of others.

So often I hear people say they don’t enjoy their jobs, or they are thinking about a career change as the enjoyment they once had has gone. Now God may well be using the lack of personal enjoyment one has in a job to shake them into a revision of what their lives are spent doing. But also we may be putting our personal enjoyment above that of the needs of our neighbours, and it is that which has given us a world tragically full of pain and in need of love.
We could if we are at that stage in our thought process pause and weigh the decision against the second aspect of Jesus’ mandate to us. ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’

Imagine a world full of people whose career choice was not based on the money that they earn, the position that they held or the enjoyment that they had.

Looks different doesn’t it?

Witnessing in a Postmodern Age

2005-02-05T19:40:00.000Z

I belong to a Yahoo email group called Christian Postmoderns
I recommend you join and check out some of the discussions that are going on, below is a recent post John Fisher made, good stuff i am sure you will agree.

Witnessing in a Postmodern Age
by John Fischer

Effective witnessing in a postmodern age takes some knowledge of the
culture and a good deal of respect both for the freedom of the
individual to choose, and for the business of God in the process.
Without this, our words can carry the duress of merely one opinion
over another. We become experts with an agenda instead of
facilitators of change.

The key is to develop an open discourse with an atmosphere of
dignity, acceptance and worth. We won't be able to do this until we
truly trust in the role God plays in this process. We need to
remember that God, as always, is perfectly capable of taking care of
the consequences of a person's decision, whether it is in line with
our beliefs or not. This is where our responsibility ends and God's
continues.

Any decision-making is painful, but it can be made less painful in a
context of openness and love. We are not responsible for someone
else's decision or reaction to truth. There is no place for false
guilt over failing to persuade or false pride over some perception
of success. Our business is not to make a sale or a convert but to
speak openly of what we know and have experienced, and to genuinely
care about others regardless of their choices.

This leaves us free to offer information and discuss things from a
fact-forming point of view according to a person's philosophy
without fear of "giving up ground" or "watering down the truth." We
are not trying to get someone to agree with us. We are facilitators
of change, at all times open to our own process and seeking what we
can learn from others along the way. If we are not open to change,
how can we expect someone else to be?

It's all in knowing the difference between our business and God's
business. God reveals. God opens eyes. God blinds eyes. God turns on
the light. Remember how He did it for you. You can give another
person credit for accepting you, giving you worth, and introducing
you to Jesus, but you can't give another person credit for changing
your mind. You made the decision and God turned on the light. We
need to give others, and God, plenty of room to work.

And if you are asked about your Christian hope, always be ready to
explain it. But you must do this in a gentle and respectful way. (1
Peter 3:15-16)

Brain Mclaren

2005-02-02T22:41:00.000Z

For those of you not familar with Brain Mclaren Time Magazines little blurb on him is spot on.

Pulled, Stretched and Shaken

2005-01-30T19:24:00.000Z

I am reading Marcus Borg's The God We Never Knew: Beyond Dogmatic Religion to a More Authentic Contemporary Faith it is pulling, stretching and shaking me.
I was reminded on servant blog of my first feelings when I read NKOC but this is a whole new area. I still maintain alot of my fundamental understandings of the Bible and God, and I felt that I needed to really push the boundaries on this to gain a wider perspective.

This book is putting me in an uncomfortable place, when I formulate exactly what is in that place I will share it.

Points Of View

2005-01-19T09:16:00.000Z

Seeing God with clarity and in His fullness has been one of the ongoing issues faced by those who choose to love Him and understand Him. The differences in our view point of Him in our various denominations and positions is exactly that, a point of view. From where we stand the view we see from the point we are at it an understanding. To exclude others view point because it ‘seemingly’ clashes or conflicts with our own is an act of immaturity and insecurity, and dare I add ignorance.

On my way into work the other day, on the upper deck of a double Decker bus, with the windows steamed up I could barley make out the world outside. Car lights and traffic signals were obvious. But the solidity of the object themselves could not be made out, the world passed in a foggy haze, and it would have been easy at that point to conclude that outside of the bus with its tangible and clear presence inside the world outside was dull and grey and foggy. After wiping a window through smeared glass it was clear that this world was not so hazy. My viewpoint had changed and opened up.

It would have been silly to make an assumption based on the things I saw as visible at the time. This is similar to the way in which we conclude at certain points in history on the nature of God and then cement them in, chain them down and exclude others understanding. I once used to view God in a very literalistic, fundamental way, this position surely was the only position. But soon, much like the wiping away of condensation on a window to gain a view of clarity, I discovered that this was not the only way.
The inclusion of ideas and points of view and discoveries are vital to the ongoing growth and development of the church. If we stop at any one stage and say ‘this is it, absolute truth’ then we miss out on the ongoing revelation of the fullness of God, and then it may seem hazy, foggy and grey.

Redeemed Pt 2

2005-01-14T18:32:00.000Z

So the end of my first week is here. It ended on a massive high, most of the week has been spent looking at government strategies and care plans, all very interesting, but by Thursday I was all read out! Went over to Thames Valley Police HQ today to get my ID and entrance Fob, it was an interesting experience, walking into a police station on the right side of the law, well more so, walking into the police station as part of a plan to help the law.

Got back and went though the custody suite, police cells and court cells in town. I felt a little out of place, speaking to police officers, custody sergeants, and the Reliant staff who control the court cells and prison transportation.

The last time I was in a police station was for shoplifting, way back in the 1999, the smell the sights and the atmospheres gave me many memory recalls, but this time their was the absence of guilt and shame, I felt kind of powerful as I used my entry fob and as the id badge swung round my neck whist I walked.
I have felt this feeling before, the first few weeks out of rehab as I walked in freedom. But this was a different feeling, deeper, with a greater sense of purpose and reality. I look at my ID badge with a subtle sense of pride, I feel a identity and a connection with this work I have not felt before, it is a good feeling.

I realise that the last few weeks have been mainly diary based entries, but this is because I want this logged, one day I might write a book. There are many other issues I will write about, like relationship dynamics etc, I will get to that when the excitement fades, if it does?!

A Million Pieces

2005-01-12T19:23:00.000Z

I am just finishing reading James Frey’s autobiographical book A Million Pieces.
This book has taken me on a roller coaster ride of emotions like no other biographical account of addiction and rehab. James does not hold back on honesty, explicitly and exposure of the realties of recovery and the realities of a man finding his way to freedom.

Of late I am finding myself reading more biographies; they help me understand this world that we live in. An understanding that does not come by objective analysis or text book studies. An understanding that only comes through the tears of pain and experience.

Something I have myself, but at times it seems almost abstract and distant, this book and others, and the work I am doing is helping me find the passion and empathy that is needed to get me off my lazy butt and do something about it.

I recommend James’ book to you, it will both break and soften your heart at the same time, James is expletive and frank on every page, so this is not for the faint hearted, but it is a book that will open your eyes to the realties of human pain and addiction, and the wonderful journey out of it.

Caught.

2005-01-10T14:45:00.000Z

In a million different ways and at a million different times in my life I am told that I matter, my pain matters, my comfort matters, I matter, me me me. The books I read, the adverts I see the programmes and films I watch and the lyrics from the songs that I listen to. I am caught, caught in a time all about me, and myself, and I. There is no escape, maybe for a while as I drift backwards in time to where I and me did not matter so much. Where comfort was a sore bum on a hard wooden chair, or the subsiding pain of a pulled tooth with no branded pain relief that is oh so important in case the pain might return and I might be uncomfortable, and I might be grumpy and I might need some attention.

Is their any wonder that I can pass by others in the street where so much of the pain we carry is hidden behind brave eyes, pushed down by necessity and the demands of that particular day where that extra cd had to be bought because it sounded good, it made me feel good and made me forget about me for a bit. Or reminded me of me, some more, just in case I forgot who I was. We pass the pain, we ignore the pain, and we worry about our pain, and our comfort. This is the age I am stuck in, this is the age that has given me so much, yet left me so cold, naked and self concerned. It is now, more than ever that I need to step back from my 500+ cd collection, the cupboard full of various painkilling comfort bringing good tasting products, step back from the branded expensive products that makes me smell good and feel good and seem good, back from the books I have yet to read yet I HAD to own, back from the DVD’s that sit redundant on my shelf that cried so loud for me to buy them, yet now sit so silently. Back from the comfort of my expensive chair that is very comfortable in front of my wide screen TV with so many channels that if I am not careful I can waste so much time looking through 300+ channels to watch just one. Back from my mp3 player with so much choice I find it hard to choose back to the place beyond myself and my things, to where the pain of others cries out and is heard.

It is here, where I find my Lord in prayer, it is here I need to be, if only I can stay a while, to hear what He hears, to feel what He feels, yet I am pulled back again from this place by the advert that catches my attention about the car I don’t need, yet am told I would be more comfortable safer and economical if I did.

God I need you so much.

Stepping Out Of My Boat

2005-01-07T17:38:00.000Z

So today was it, my last day in the boat. No more watching the waves and my Lord from afar. This is it, I have to keep saying it, even though the sadness at leaving kingdom coffee is real. Yet somehow the reality of what I am stepping into is not. I guess I would have imagine the fulfilment of a plan, a dream, a hope, whatever it gets labelled a little more tangible.
Something feels missing. Where is the big resounding noise as another redeemed sinner steps out into the front lines of social warfare? I guess my need to be noticed is being killed here. A good thing, doing things quietly has never been in my repertoire.
So three days off, some serious time with my God and then off I go quietly happy that I have got out of my boat, mmm this water looks a little rough!!

God and Earthquake

2005-01-03T19:24:00.000Z

Have had some painful discussions on the earthquake and God lately, frustrating and of nor profit, this article by Rabbi Daniel Lapin is very good and might help you-as it did me- find some clarity on this tragic event.
The link is here

Just What Is Emergent?

2004-12-24T17:14:00.000Z

No doubt by now you would have heard the term emerging or emergent used. I feel for clarity, and for an understanding of just what it is about, that a short explanation is needed on the core make up of it.
It is not a fad, nor a common theory, or another theology, these are, and continue to be the most common mistakes. As the ‘in’ crowd theologians (who from my experience are really missing the point) flock to be a ‘part’ of this, all we end up with is another shallow and empty movement, abase of the love and grace of Jesus.

There are four C’s that encompass the real meaning and heart of emergent thinking;
Coherent, Contextual, Conversational and Comprehensive.

By coherent it means that it hangs together, it makes sense in its many parts that can remain together, yet be different, an inclusion of thoughts, rather than an exclusion based on difference. It is the exclusion on thinking that has given us church splits, the intolerance of others ideas, the possible unity of difference in the mind of the immature man is something that cannot be achieved. It is either ‘their’ way or no way. It is something so far removed from Jesus’ teachings that I sometimes wonder where they are at (need to be careful here for this not to be a rant) Historically things have been incoherent, jumbled and disjointed, because we have been immature and child like. It is time for us to grow up, we are not children, we do not need milk, childlike and adolescent theologies give us ‘gangs’ or ‘groups’ of theories, and this does not encourage unity, it encourages separation.

Contextual can also mean related, relative and appropriate. Jesus’ teachings were relevant to the time He lived, and are relevant to the time we live in now. How can the Bible be culturally relevant if our only means of understanding them is literal? By this I mean, if we take say Paul’s words about women in leadership that were contextual or related to that time. Then take that exact command literally or exactly as he says, and then drop it onto this era what do we have? We have exclusion of a sex, i.e. women; we exclude women with our theology. We may feel like good obedient sheep, but what about the half of society that feels downgrade and not worthy of position, just because we ‘feel’ we need to be obedient. You can see from this how utterly stupid this is, but this is again and again the same trite regurgitation we see. Jesus’ theology was about class inclusion, He went out of His way, and often flat in the face of ‘common’ theology to bring God’s kingdom in the now. To show people a little of heaven, as the prostitute sat weeping at the feet of Jesus, fully aware of the disapproving glances and words being muttered about her, she had a taste of heaven. As Jesus showed her great love and respect. Had He been fully literal with the ‘theology’ of the day the woman who left with a piece of heaven in her heart would have left with another taste of hell, the rejection she had known her whole life would have been enforced by God’s people. That can’t be right, and it is not!

Merry Christmas To You All.

Random Mumblings

2004-12-15T17:37:00.000Z

Sometimes I find parts of myself that I really dislike. I was given a car, a much needed car, as my new job requires it. Instead of being blessed, which I am, I find myself worrying about how I will look in it. It is a sturdy car a 1989 Honda Accord, has MOT until May, needs only tax an a service. One day I hope I will leave the influences of this world. It affects and infects so many of my decisions. I wonder how much this level of consumeristic, image feeding mentality has affected the church.

We talk about an inclusive church and it seems foreign in our social club, inner circle world. The Jesus of the ‘personal’ salvation seems so nice and tidy, like a new car.
Yet Jesus who came for ‘the world’ is much like the car I was given as a gift. Does not conform to the standards, is not shiny smooth and appealing visually. There is not another side to this silly analogy. We do not own Jesus, and I am not sure where I mean to go with this. I guess I can with my headache as an excuse just write this off as a random vent. I am just surprised sometimes how much this worlds values affects the way I receive and perceive things. “ … be transformed by the renewing of your mind “ mine sure needs some.
Thanks Lord for the car, help me to ignore all the new ones beside me as I queue for work.

Wedding

2004-12-14T08:44:00.000Z

This subject came to me yesterday, it is based solely on John 3:29 29The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.

The questions I guess it posed for me was, is Jesus' coming some abstract appointment dictated only by God, or do we have a responsibility on its coming.
A bride is ready for a wedding, on that great day when the bridegroom returns will He return to a bride who is, disjointed, naked, dirty, late, unprepared. Or in relation to an actual wedding where there is much preparation and planning and expectancy will that day happen when we, who are the bride, have ourselves, ready, clothed, together, focused and expectant.
I feel, for me anyway (no royal we's here) that I have pushed aside my responsibility as part of the bride, my tardiness, disjointed, disheveled, unprepared, dirtiness does not actually I imagine encourage Jesus to turn up.
Evangelicals have historically done a great Job of affirming our falleness, our evil state, almost a justification or a 'that’s the way it is' on behavior that falls short of the glory of God. But what if, what if our negation of unity, love, and preparing the church (as the world) for His coming delays that, I mean if this world was the setting for your wedding wouldn’t you want something’s changed, some tidying, some bringing together, so that on the great day itself 'all' people can rejoice in the celebration. Isn't that what a wedding is about?

Redemption

2004-12-11T10:56:00.000Z

Five years ago, as I sat bent over in a police cell facing the charge of shoplifting, feeling the withdrawals from heroin. An every increasing sense of anxiety over the dwindling hours of the day, decreasing my chances of obtaining money for that oh so important bag to take the edge off the pain, the cramps, the sweats. A complete feeling of desperation, and hopelessness, here I was, seasoned junkie, seasoned criminal, my identity formed by the life I got sucked into. Little did I know that in the unseen world a plan had been set in place for my redemption. God was there, looking in, and He must have thought, ‘One day, you will be back here, in these cells doing my work.

Jan 10th will be the start of that day; I am profoundly overwhelmed by this prospect.
As I sat in the interview room on Tuesday with SMART (Substance Misuse Arrest Referral Team) A charity who help drug users at ground zero, in Police cells. I had both a mixture of excitement at the possibility of getting the job, and fear that I would not.
Friday morning the phone call I had been waiting three days for came, I was offered the job.
I spent the next few hours with an intense feeling of excitement, similar to the feeling you have after you have passed your driving test, the start of something amazing, something I have hoped, trained, prayed and dreamed about for four years.

I am in the middle of God’s plan for my life, it is a incredible thing, for so long I have felt cold, caught and cramped (nice use of c’s) in my life and job.

This is just a short story of God at work in my life, it forms the part of a larger story, one day I might put the whole of it into words (one day I might not!) But for now I throw this out, I guess to remind myself, and hopefully others that whatever stage we are at in our life currently, it is working toward a plan, one not known, seen or spoken, one that is attained through submission, sacrifice and devotion, one that carries the feeling of doubt, anger (at the wait) and ultimately to this feeling I have now of overwhelming joy, that I an ex junkie, and thief can, with a focus on the person of Jesus and an observance to His wonderful teachings achieve a full 360 degree U turn.
From someone who added to the work and pressure on the Justice system, to one whom with God’s help might take a little of that away, and dare I say offer some hope to those caught tangled up in it.

Dread God?

2004-11-29T19:04:00.000Z

Have some things floating around my mind at the moment that I will post in a few days, been busy lately with course and course work.

Godfrey Birtill was at our church yesterday, Godfrey is fantastic song writer, he writes with guts and faithfulness about the things that God places on his heart. Many times songs written by him have challenged me to think and change, and have also comforted me, for those of you not familiar with him click on his name for a link to his site.

His new album is called ‘Dread God’ a name that was rejected by a large Christian label, why? Because maybe we are so conditioned for comfort that the thought of, ‘Dreading God’ is so alien, fear is misunderstood and shunned from a historical perspective.
There it was abused and misused and seriously misunderstood, I wont harp on about this, I think some subjects can easily get drawn out, I guess I just wanted to remind myself about this truth, and leave you with the first few lines and the chorus of his song ‘Dread God’.
It will make you uncomfortable, which I know is what Godfrey intends to a point, he is an agitator in a world of comfy Christian love songs (which I also love)

I stretched out my right hand
But no on paid attention
I offered my counsel
But no-one wants correction….

Dread God! Dread the terrible day
Dread God! Dread the terrible day.

Why I am a Christian

2004-11-08T18:06:00.000Z

Reading Brian’s reasons for following Jesus has left me wondering about my own, why did and I and why do I choose to follow the teachings and life of Jesus?

The choice I first made to follow Jesus was based very simply on my need for the freedom He promised, and His promise was faithful, as I still stand free from 10 years of various addictions.
I guess when your faith is formed on such an obviously tangible foundation then the rest should comes easy, and to a degree it does; I only have to think back to those dark times of desperation and squalor to remind myself of the distance I have travelled with Jesus as my guide.

But I have grown up, and the reason I choose to follow Jesus is a work in progress, it is maturing and becoming something deeper and more meaningful, as the early years of my needs being paramount now move onto the needs of others, and rightly so.

It is the natural progression, the ‘pay it forward’ theology, I think it is at these stage I am running a kind of spiritual ad-aware, checking the soul for any infections of nasty thinking, any exclusive, dismissive, judgemental positions that might have snuck in as I dozily absorb the words from the many books I have read without really giving thought to what is going in, and what affect it is having.

Like the browser on a computer as the nasties sneak in and affect performance, I find that my soul has become cluttered with distractions, as I have allowed myself to get lazy, and forget that first love. A love so simple, so passionate.

So in essence I follow Jesus because I need Him, and He needs (can I say that, maybe want is better word?) me to be a part of His work, His kingdom coming in the now, and as I am lifted up, with the help of others, I am now free to extend that same hand of assistance in the places that He leads me, and the ones I stumble into.
This is a life of excitement, there is a plan, I fit into it as helped and helper and that is something truly amazing.

Communicating Effectively & Brian’s Book PT1

2004-10-30T11:42:00.000Z

I find it a challenge to focus my thoughts into words, verbally I am fine with communication, but when I am poised over my keyboard attempting to structure sentences with grammatical precision is not so easy.

There are some great blogs out there written with great clarity, I aspire to be up there, to get to a place where I can freely and without struggle articulate my thoughts into words.

The reason I start in this vein is that I need to put some thoughts down on Brian’s book, the way in which I aim to do this, is to pull out quotes that have made me think or have jumped off the page at me, problem is I seem to be highlighting every page!!

So careful selection is needed!!

The exert I am using to day is about communication;

“……what we need is not a new sectarian terminology or new jargon or a new elitist clique, but rather a rediscovery of the simple, mysterious way of Jesus that can be embraced across the whole Christian horizon (and beyond). What we need is something lived, not just talked or written about. The last thing we need is a new group of proud, super protestant, hyper puritan, ultra restorationist reformers who say, “Only we’ve got it right!” and thereby damm everybody else to the bin of five minutes ago and the bucket of below-average mediocrity” (Generous Orthodoxy page 19)

I am guilty of thinking and feeling this, like what I have stumbled upon is ‘the way’, it is my precious, and damm anyone who tries to take this shiny golden discovery from me, almost in a schizophrenic way I jut and convulse from the restrictive fundamentalism that I found myself in as a young Christian, to now, where I am able to be more inclusive with my thoughts.

This paragraph stands to me as a warning, of the potential harm that can be done when the same restrictive approach that is used in some theological schools is carried into this, one that is about inclusion and acceptance and understanding, not conformity and correctness.

Movement

2004-10-29T18:30:00.000Z

I am absolutely loving reading Brian’s new book. He writes with a love and passion that few I have read write with. I am finding my theology challenged, shaped and reinforced and I have only found time to read three chapters.

There is something special about the way he views the truths that are quite obvious in all denominations, he manages to write with a grace that is inclusive and not exclusive, as so many books are, I come away from each sitting with it with a feeling of being a part of something truly beautiful and truly challenging, yet without that usual feeling of having to realign my mind-as is so common with authors who think outside the box.

I am saving the particular points for another time when I can sit down and focus, this week has been a week where I find myself in the place where change is happening. I have been busy applying to prisons and drug agencies for work, God has me stirred up to move on, and patience (as He knows) is not my strong point, so as always God waits until He knows the time is right, then hits me with it, because He fully knows that when something needs to be done, I get it done as soon as the restraints of time allow me. I am feeling excited at the prospect of change and now realise how stagnant I have allowed myself to become.

New beginnings, with all the anxiety and excitement are a truly amazing thing and I will embrace this one with as much energy and passion as I can muster, where ever that might be.

Update

2004-10-15T13:00:00.000Z

It has been a few weeks since I last posted anything; to be honest it has been a few weeks since I last thought anything-maybe an exaggeration.
I was away for one week on my Diploma course, which is becoming increasingly tedious, especially with the relational issues that arise.
The next weeks I will be posting mainly my thoughts on Brian Mcalens new book A Generous Orthodoxy, which was generously bought for me by a good friend-thanks again Gary, Gary also has a blog which if your click this it will take you to it, his thoughts are way ahead of mine on all things ecclesiastical so it is well worth a visit.
So thanks again for all the patient visitors who pop in to see if I have thrown any more of my ramblings into cyber space and please continue to comment as I focus my attention on the wonderful mind of Brian Mclaren.

Ok not to know.

2004-09-21T10:15:00.000Z

I have been in relationship with God now in the active sense for six years, from the early days of drug abuse and that O so tentative trust issue, where what I wanted and what God wanted did not line up, through to the new-years eve of 1999 when in the darkest moment of my life I finally saw with great clarity, that freedom for me was not going to be a Damascus road experience. From that moment of revelation I entered an amazing time, like dominos falling over my life seemed to take a course and momentum of its own.
I then went into detox and through the very painful six weeks of withdrawal and the reality of settling into an eleven month rehab programme. Then to the re-birth of a new me into society, my current job for Kingdom Coffee, my training and work with Philippi as a counsellor, up until today, as sit at home enjoying a day off work to watch with anxiety the semi final of the ICC cup (Cricket) with the Australians.
My early days (up until the end of last year) of my relationship with God consisted of God revealing His mystery and Love and Grace, and me defining it into nice sentence like hyperbole that sounded O so good. But I was reduced, from the arrogance of a theological idiot, to the position of loved and lover that I hold now with great respect and awe.
God's love is truly amazing and from my experience an indefinable thing, my arrogance and innocence that I have been liberated from was a stage that I do not negate because it has transported me to the place I am now, and helps me cherish those moments when I feel so lost and so small.
In full awe and full submission I accept that I do not need to define and I do not need to justify God.
I just need to enjoy being loved.

He has not Forgotten.

2004-09-17T00:52:00.000Z

It was near the end of the time I spent in drug rehab that I fell upon the path I am currently on, the path to becoming a full time counselor and to work with addicts, as I was.
Three years have passed, and in the momentum of training and differing clients I guess the clarity of what I first sought became hazy with the 'things' of life.
Yesterday I received a phone call that reignited my desire to work with addicts and the homeless. I am not able to say to much as the person in question who is recommending me for their role has yet to tell their boss they are leaving, but what it will entail is for me to take one step closer to what I have for some time dreamed of doing, and I am a very happy bunny. Even if nothing comes of this I will take from it the fact that my life is to be spent helping those to whom I for so long belonged, and this reminds me that God has not forgotten me and what He has called me to.

What does this say to you?

2004-09-13T15:00:00.000Z

Read this story as part of an article. Before you read what the writers view is I wonder what your own are, what does this story say to you?

A preacher leaves a daylong seminar on church leadership. On the way to his car he sees a young boy, alone, and thinks to himself that it’s time to put some of the day’s talk into action.

He crosses the street and starts a conversation with the boy. A half-hour later the preacher has learned that the kid has serious problems: His friends are dealing drugs, his parents are alcoholics, the raw scar across his forehead is where his brother hit him with a chair.

The boy lives in one of those one lost backwaters where the only policing comes from state troopers blowing through on their way to someplace else. In this town, justice is served when the hunter who dies in a tragic hunting accident “had it comin’.”

The preacher asks the boy if he goes to church. The boy shrugs and says he used to go to the one over there, the one where the preacher spent his day. “Go back,” says the preacher. “Try it again.”

The kid runs off into the dark. The preacher goes home.

The full article can be read if you click on the title of todays post.

Where is my Christianty?

2004-09-09T09:04:00.000Z

It's been a few days since I last threw my thoughts out in space, with the diet I am on and the physical exercise, I have been left lacking the energy to put down the things I am currently mulling over.
Yesterday in the Daily Dig, a daily email I receive Bruderhof community, I was left thinking over the conclusion of the message. It was profound in the way it enabled me to step outside of myself and attempt to give more of myself to others. I will post it here in the hope that those that read it receive the same challenge I did.

A Conversation
Peter Mommsen

The two went out into the night, along the footpath that ran from the house. Above the peaks stretched the vastness of a starry sky. Looking into the valley they could make out the faint line of the Rhine three thousand feet below. The lights of the towns along the river twinkled as if from another world. Suddenly Eberhard paused and fixed his eyes on his son.

“Have you ever thought of all the people who live down there, with all their loves and sufferings and sins? Have you ever asked yourself what meaning each of their lives ought to have? Have you ever thought of the day when God’s rule will break over this earth, and each little house in the valley will be flooded with light? Has any of this ever concerned you or disturbed you? Or have you only thought of your own happiness?”

“No, Papa. I’ve never really given it much thought,” Heiner said.

Eberhard looked stunned. “Then where is your Christianity?”

Inconsistencies

2004-09-03T09:05:00.000Z

There are a lot of inconsistencies between the way in which we see the world portrayed and the way in which it actually is.
The question of pain is a universal one of seemingly unfair dispensation, with so many options to alleviate pain in it’s every form, you only have to watch any advert to see that the marketing of this age, the focus of its appeal, is on the removal of pain and the replacement of it with comfort.
The problem caused by this is one inherently seen in the western world, where we ask the question of why us? As if someone else should be more or less worthy of the pain that is currently prevalent in our own lives.
This question I have asked time and time again, as the months of hospital visits to my wife who is in pain-and mostly receiving poor treatment-mounts up, as I am left feeling a sense of unfairness at it all.

This feeling is a by-product of this age, where we feel we have a right to all things good and an eradication of all things bad.
If we travel back to the 17th century where the daily story of struggle and pain are common to all men, where there is little hope of getting relief, where the acceptance of it is universal they are not caught in this cycle of ‘why me’ their acceptance of life, and its hardships are a testimony to consistency.

The same is true of the Bible, if we faithfully communicate the fullness of the message, and not some isolated hyper faith ‘all will be goodness and blessing’, then the inconsistencies that people feel in this world, can as I see it only make the unfolding of salvation seem more real.

Which is the greater reality? Shouting the name Jesus at every pain under the assumption that it will go away, or akin to the life of Joseph, patiently waiting on a God whose plan unfolds in the fullness of time and not at our beck and call.

Many of God’s workers today do not faithfully communicate a real message, it is some pie in the sky when you die, steak on the plate while you wait nonsensical crap (my apologies here, but the fullness of my vent always manifests in this topic)

I shall wrap up with an exert from Eugene Peterson’s introduction to The Message, where he, I feel, faithfully communicates the meaning of the Bible’s message.

“The Biblical world is decidedly not an ideal world, the kind we see advertised in travel posters. Suffering and injustice and ugliness are not purged from the world in which God works and loves and saves. Nothing is glossed over. God works patiently and deeply, but often in hidden ways, in the mess of our humanity and history. Ours is not a neat and tidy world in which we are assured that we can get everything under control. This takes considerable getting used to-there is mystery everywhere.
The Bible does not give us a predictable cause-effect world in which we can plan our career and secure our futures. It is not a dream world in which everything works out according to our adolescent expectations-there is pain and poverty and abuse at which we cry out in indignation, “You can’t let this happen!” For most of us it takes years and years and years to exchange our dream world for this real world of grace and mercy, sacrifice and love, freedom and joy-the God saved world.”

I am grateful for people like Eugene who faithfully communicate a reality.

.....what needs to be done?

2004-09-03T02:53:00.000Z

Yesterday I sat beside the Thames and read through the opening chapters of Genesis in the RSV, it was a random moment that came out of nowhere as I drove down the A329M after dropping my wife off at work.
It was a beautiful evening, as boats passed on the gentle, occasionally disrupted waters of the Thames, the odd runner passing by, breaking into a sweat, and a family wrestled with a loverly long haired golden retriever, who obviously was very happy to meet everyone that passed it by.
It was one of those evenings you savour as out of the ordinary, beautiful and unplanned.

I sat thinking about the appearance of man in the world and the struggle he had in finding his place, I noticed how also God also seemed to allow Himself to be vulnerable in the process, almost like He withdrew His omniscient ability to step into His creation and work it all out with us, kind of a majestic trial and error.
God knew what needed to be done, but He gave man the space to work it out for himself, the same process in which I try to create in the counseling room with my clients, I can sometimes see what needs to be done, but it is a beautiful thing watching a person discover it for themselves, the witnessing of a miracle.
I imagine God gets a similar sense of satisfaction from us, as He allows us to fall and get up like a stumbling toddler working out just how to put their steps together.

There are many answers to the question 'what needs to be done?' but in this case, I like to think that it entails us giving up ourselves. We have for many years been given a wealth of information about every possible point of ministry, yet still like a regurgitated meal we find the same themes on the same topics, offering new ways to do the same things, like some theological stutter.
What if the problem is not how, but when,

In Brian Mclarens short explanation on the three postmoderns he writes;

"When I look at the postmodern landscape, I see “fields ready for harvest,” as Jesus said. But so far, in spite of so much being at stake at this critical moment in history, those willing to get out into the fields and do the hard work of seizing the moment are too few."

Maybe we are to worried about what will happen, true what will happen is quite scary, but rather than be caught in the headlights like a scared rabbit, let's get on with it, there is an it laid upon all our hearts, it presses in occasionally as God tries to gently remind us of it, there may be allot of it's queued up and stuck because there is no movement. I know for me there are a few it’s, some have been on hold for along time, maybe the timing is not right? or maybe I am just a tad lazy?

Discovery

2004-09-01T00:43:00.000Z

There is a beauty in learning that comes out conversation and life, when normal circumstances suddnely jump up and teach you something new.
Being able to shape and share experience, to better understand God and ourselves is itself a trully wonderful thing. The moment of revelation that settles upon us is something that should never be enforced by another, there is a poetry and a romance about leaning that can so easily be reduced to fact sharing, it is so dull and lacks something deep.

Discovery is romantic, in the sense that we share and dance with each other on so many levels, yet we can be quick to skip the nervous conversation of learning on the first meeting to jump to the day to day familiarity that can rob us of those profound moments when a lack of knowing brings about a deeper understanding.

My wife and I went to see the Village a few days ago, and I had one of those moments of discovery, when a few lines from a film impacts your life and unsettles it for a while, but I like that feeling, being unsure brings us back to the mystery of God and life, and with that it draws us into His arms as our needs become obvious in the face uncertainty.
I won't go into the film, but I do recommend it, it is a very good film.
This is the line which gave me that profound moment of discovery, as i quickly typed it into my phone as my wife gave me a confusing glance.

"How is it you are brave when all the other are shaking?"
"Because I do not think about what will happen only what needs to be done"

Trusting Our Generation

2004-08-27T11:19:00.000Z

We stand on the shoulders of giants, but the generations to come will also say the same.
The problem as I see it is that we do not trust our generation, we can spend a lot of time in nostalgic reflection, which is fine, but what about what is being spoken now.
The postmodern mind has laid down the shackles of thinking and dared to step outside of the box. We serve a God of outrageous grace, His love is in abundance, dare I allow myself to get caught up in theological correctness at the cost of loving my neighbour as I love myself. It is an easy trap to fall into as we thaw out of the modernistic mind set into a new mind set, one of mystery and one of friendship, where we allow our thinking to mature, where we fall into the grace of God and say 'I want to know YOU Lord, not what is said of you' it is a dawn of something truly amazing, I will be so bold to say that the shape we are forming now will be the reference point for many years. God never allow us to get scared!! Lets be bold, bold in our love for others, bold in our love for YOU, and bold in the adventure which is the journey we are on.

Conflicts

2004-08-25T10:17:00.000Z

Continuing in the same vein as my thoughts on Tensions, conflicts proposes another challenge in the out-working of our theology in the current culture. The topic of Evolution v's Creation is one widely debated (argued with venom in honesty). There is a tendency within the literal vein to confine to the bare facts as proposed. This approach will create a huge tension to the youth of today, if we teach Young Earth creationism in church, then they go to school and get taught Old Earth Evolution the pressure is upon them to decide, if we hold our views tightly or are not sure of the views themselves, holding on with dear life in fear of a loss ,what message does that communicate to the youth we teach. So where do we go from here, do we resist the facts of evolution agaisnt the current paradigm of church theology, or do we find a way to intergrate the truths from both schools. If we evolved, and it becomes a provable fact how will that affect our theology? Do we wait to be informed, or shall we go out and find the information ourselves, what we pass on to the youth today, shapes the church of tomorrow, what is it we are passing on currently??

Movable Objects

2004-08-19T10:27:00.000Z

Current climate has given us much hope for change, the shift in cultural traditions and thinking is finally seeping into the church and is giving us hope, as the great thinkers of the day push boundaries for us (Mclaren, Willard, Sweet et al) we either resist in a Copernican like rebellion, refusing Naively to accept clear facts, or we integrate those facts into the paradigms we inhabit and accept change as a natural law, the church is a living entity, if God expects change from us, then surely that change would affect church trends and thinking.
Are we scared, stubborn or open to it? In the words of W H Auden 'We would rather be ruined than changed' this rings sadly true as we shake our fist at evolution theory and other 'seemingly' antibiblical discoveries, the very notion of them threatening the fundamentals of Christianity, or do they?

Vulnerability

2004-08-18T08:30:00.000Z

James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Vunerability seems to awaken us to the realities of life, so much of what we do in church, and with each other can be behind a mask, one that we may not even be aware of. So easy it is to present a theology, but live in contradiction to it. Our pastor a few weeks back spoke with honesty and Vulnerability, and the feedback I have heard since has encouraged me, because people don't want ideas and models, they want truth. Truth can be presented in scripture, but unless that truth we preach connects with the life we lead it ends up as a dead witness.
James speaks of a vulnerability, where who we are and what we do are congruent, so many sins thrive in the darkness like fungi, it is being open about who we are, and what we do-whether negative or positive- that we gain a completeness, there are no hidden parts. I have hidden, 10 years of addictions provided me with the best tools to hide. Now I am seen, and there is always more to be seen, lets not appear to be well when all is not, Jesus was real, lets be real to.

Tension

2004-08-17T10:05:00.000Z

"Those who say that they believe in God and yet neither love nor fear Him, do not in fact believe in Him but in those who have taught them that God exists. Those who believe that they believe in God, but without any pasion in thier heart, any angusih of mind, without uncertanity, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consoaltion, believe only in the God idea, not in God." Miguel De Unamuno.
I feel a tension, i have felt this tension for some time, this tension is between a literal view of the Bible, and a more dare i say liberal approach. On the one hand i see God working in ways that do not fit current theology, but fit literal theology, some would pooh pooh my views, quickly wanting to stick some reassurance on my doubt. But is doubt a bad thing? Paul said 'work out your salvation with fear and trembling' if we are so sure about things, where is the fear?
I have made God into Santa Claus, expecting my presents at good behaviour, no room for the mystery, each time i expect to awake and my hopes fulfilled. Is this bad? i am not sure, maybe.
If i serve a God of mystery and awe should i be able to pin Him down like a ant? Does God want to be explained and defined, or does He just want to be loved. Some systematic theology here and some blind literalism there and what do we have? There is something reassuring about the mystery, i can explain most things, but having no real assurance in explaining God for some reason gives me comfort, and then gives me pain. Lots of questions, but hey in a world of answers on book CD and DVD, special edition with extra answers, links to answers, sites of answers, who is asking the questions? I am, and maybe it is not answers i seek.

In The beginning

2004-08-16T12:51:00.000Z

God Said 'O Dear, looks like he is doing a blog'
After reading some very good blogs I have finally decided to post my own thoughts, not quite sure why, as if I feel my thoughts are worth reading.
Sunday is the dawn of heresy at my church as I have been let loose on the congregation to lead them astray. So I thought I would mark this occasion with a blog. Watch this space, it will do very little to affect your life.!!
My main aims are to post the topics I am currently doing a Jacob on (wrestling with God over)
these include the forgotten subject's, Hell, God's judgment, Predestination, Free will, to name a few, I guess with my clumsy theological hands I shall do much damage to these, but there is within me a tension between that which is church history and Evangelical theology, and this world I currently inhabit, that of experiential understanding and change. How does it all fit together, a question i will never answer, but i will toil over until i die.